i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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