She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
