My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
