I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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