There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
