You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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