Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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