So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
