if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
