He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
