cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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