He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
