There was a lot of him and a little penis
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
