I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
