Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
