every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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