Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
