Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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