mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
bring money and cleavage
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
