life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
