Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
