I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
