So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
