what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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