I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
