i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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