U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
