Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
