come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
