So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
