i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
