Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We have started to decorate penises.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
