Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
