I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
