i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
