I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
