i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
