She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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