Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So much Jack, so little girl.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
