shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
