i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
