You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
