Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
