Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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