not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
