it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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