wrigley field is MILF paradise
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When are your genitals available?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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