So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
be right there i have to get my cape
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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