Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
