I am puke
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
