If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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