Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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