There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
