I look better un-naked...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
