sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
